My Tailpipe's a Burnin'

Time for the latest edition of "You Know What Burns My Tailpipe?"

Riding on the subway this morning I look over and notice one of the greatest fashion atrocities of the modern age occurring not once, but twice. Women, wearing jeans, with a dress over it all. Now, what in the good lord's name would ever possess someone to try this for the very first time? And how did it go from that and blow up into a fad (about 5 years ago)? And why would these ladies still try and rock that god-awful look?

I really don't understand it. They would look fine with jeans. Equally as good with a dress. Why both? Is this another one of those techniques that women use--like the ole sweater tied around the waist--to obscure a lil junk in the trunk? If so, they are failing miserably...it'd be like putting on a parka to look svelt.

What you ladies don't understand is that men know about these techniques. And, you know what? You don't have to utlize them. How do you ladies feel about men with comb-overs or toupees? They are pathetic attempts to cover up something that the wearer perceives as a major issue but others really don't notice...but the others do notice the bad rug...or the sweather-ass smokescreen.

Heres' some advice: don't use these lame cover-ups. Like a dude with a toupee, you look better without them. If you've got it, flaunt it. You could even wear a big sign on your back that says "Look at My Big, Juicy Ass," just like I do!


And while I'm on the topic of fat-asses: I also saw something that cracked me the fuck up this morning. Getting off of the L-train at Union Square there was this woman donning head-to-toe exercise gear. Track suit? Check. Running shoes? Check. Then she got off the train and waited in line with the other lazy, useless lard-asses for the elevator while hundreds around this 'gym-rat' were hoofing it up the stairs.

Crankin Burnin, Rockin Rollin

Just a head's up: I've posted a few of the tunes I've written and recorded over at myspace.com/pearlysnaps

Crank it up, play it loud!

Rocktober!

Whew! Just looking at my October calendar makes me want to make devil horns and start with the ole headbangin. That's right, the month of October 2007 will heretofore referred to as Rocktober. I gots me some choice tickets throughout the month (gotta love the NYC, baby!).

There is Lucinda Williams on Roct. 4. She is doing a five-night stand here in the NYC (the perks of not living in a "fly-over zone" as she is also playing the same in LA) where each night she plays an album of hers in its entirety. Me, the Colonel and our ladyfolk will be heading to Town Hall to catch the reworking of her self-titled album...called, you guessed it, "Lucinda Williams."

The following week, ex-DBT shred-master Jason Isbell will be returning to NYC with the 400 Unit. Looks like the sold-out show last month (that I, unfortunately, missed!) at the Mercury Lounge caught some attention because he'll be bringing his brand of The Rock Show (tm) to the Bowery Ballroom, which is probably the best venue in the city.

Speaking of the Drive-By Truckers and the Bowery Ballroom, I will get a chance to redeem my track record on the DBT two-night-stand front (don't ask...). On Fri. Roct. 26, DBT will bring its acoustic Dirt Underneath show to Bowery...and then on Saturday they will be playing the new venue Music Hall of Williamsburg, which is basically a three-minute walk from my pad (easy stumble-drunk distance). Gotta love it! I'm really keen to get a tast of this newest incarnation of the World's Greatest Rock Band (tm).

In between these two dates, Spoon will roll into town with its brand of rock-pop. I've gotta give the band's new album a few spins between now and then. The album has a terrible name (Ga ga ga gagagagagaagagagagggggaaaaaaaa....or something like that), but upon first listen, it could prove to be a great album and a great show.

And what better way to cap off Rocktober than a Halloween show. Boy howdy, during this morning's ticket presale, I gots me some Ryan Adams & the Cardinals tickets for that very night. Reports have that band's recent live shows blowing minds. Adams' new-found sobriety, combined with a tighter-than-a-nun sound has been garnering rave reviews from fans and doubters alike.

And that's not to mention two other rockin' events: My buddy Dusty's nuptials tying as well as Flaming Foliage Festival.

Bring on ROCKTOBERFEST! And until then, turn it up to 11 and Rip Off the Knob!