My Tailpipe's a Burnin'

Time for the latest edition of "You Know What Burns My Tailpipe?"

Riding on the subway this morning I look over and notice one of the greatest fashion atrocities of the modern age occurring not once, but twice. Women, wearing jeans, with a dress over it all. Now, what in the good lord's name would ever possess someone to try this for the very first time? And how did it go from that and blow up into a fad (about 5 years ago)? And why would these ladies still try and rock that god-awful look?

I really don't understand it. They would look fine with jeans. Equally as good with a dress. Why both? Is this another one of those techniques that women use--like the ole sweater tied around the waist--to obscure a lil junk in the trunk? If so, they are failing miserably...it'd be like putting on a parka to look svelt.

What you ladies don't understand is that men know about these techniques. And, you know what? You don't have to utlize them. How do you ladies feel about men with comb-overs or toupees? They are pathetic attempts to cover up something that the wearer perceives as a major issue but others really don't notice...but the others do notice the bad rug...or the sweather-ass smokescreen.

Heres' some advice: don't use these lame cover-ups. Like a dude with a toupee, you look better without them. If you've got it, flaunt it. You could even wear a big sign on your back that says "Look at My Big, Juicy Ass," just like I do!


And while I'm on the topic of fat-asses: I also saw something that cracked me the fuck up this morning. Getting off of the L-train at Union Square there was this woman donning head-to-toe exercise gear. Track suit? Check. Running shoes? Check. Then she got off the train and waited in line with the other lazy, useless lard-asses for the elevator while hundreds around this 'gym-rat' were hoofing it up the stairs.